I should write a book!!

Today we were off to a slow start to our day and I asked Brad to clip Harleys nails before he left because he kept on scratching me. So Brad goes outside to get clippers and sees the other dogs and thinks.....hum I'll do theirs to. So he comes in and tells me, I think I snipped Malibu's nail too short. I go to look out the window and there is blood everywhere. I give Brad the cornstarch and head in cuz I absolutely hate blood. Next thing I know he's kissing me goodbye and leaves. I think nothing of it cuz, you'd think if he knew he would say......."THERE IS BLOOD SQUIRTING ON THE WINDOW!!!!!!!" No. I walk around the corner into the kitchen after he's left, and blood is pulsating from his foot and shooting the sliding glass door. I absolutely went into panic mode. Let me say this is a great dog an all, but he smells and I wouldn't necessarily invite him in, pet and cuddle this sweet grandpa dog...... I wish I would have taken a picture before, because no one will ever believe me when I say there was alot of blood. Malibu was lapping it up faster than I could even think to put a hose on it. I do have to say as a happy ending to the story, I did a great job under pressure, and here is the ending to my traumatic morning......

Isn't it beautiful!! Matix sock fit just fine and the bleeding did finally stop!

TEARS.......

I didnt realize I would be this sad......forgive me for sorting my emotions where the whole world can see. I probably wont publish this, I just need to get it off my chest so I can sleep tonight. I was 10 weeks today, last tues they suspected something was wrong and sent me for blood work and an ultrasound. All week long I knew something wasn't right, I didn't feel right, but we tried to stay positive. And today I miscarried. And I am so sad, I cant stop crying. When I found out we were pregnant, we instantly added another member to our family, finding it names, where it would sleep, and who would change its diapers. Is this normal?? The kids new something wasn't right and were acting up, I just kept praying that they would be good, so I could get threw what turned out to be 3 hours of HELL. And I repeat hell. London peeked her sweet little head in my room as I was crawling into bed and she came running in crying, curled up next to me and cried with me for quite a while. She just kept saying I love you mOm. I just kept on thinking how could I tell her.... I feel so empty inside, so so sad. I feel like something is now missing from my life and no one understands. I know that isn't true. I have had so much love and support from so many this week as I tried not to over react, so many of you wrapped your arms around me and prayed for me. For that I am soo grateful, I have such amazing FRIENDS and FAMILY!!!! May I ask for forgiveness in advance.....I know me, and I have already done it, I may go into hidding for awhile, my phone may go unanswered intentionally, but not personally......I am just afraid of letting anyone see me when I am down. Poor Brad has to live with me. I thought I would be stronger, and all week I tried to prepare but was not very successful. So to all who have experienced this...... my heart feels your sorrow and loss. I am sorry I wasn't there for you more emotionally when it was you. I pray that I will be able to process this and somehow find peace and happiness in knowing that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and that he will send us another health baby.....soon.

Boy bonding.....

Brad and the Boys went to the ASU scrimage game lastnight and they had a blast. After the game they got to go down on the field and get signatures from the players. Dylan and Kaden love Football and they love the SunDevils so you could emagine the stories they had to tell mom this morning. It made it a little hard to get up this morning for school, but lets be honest, how often do you get to meet the players. And Sparky?!!!! What kid doesnt love him.Thanks Dad for being so cool and sharring this with them. Dylan's only wish would be to meet the Patriots..... It's cute to see him be so into his cards, and know players and stuff I dont even know (thats not saying much) It was cute to see them have so much fun. Now Dylan wants to be Sparky for halloween and Kaden want to be an ASU Football player.

Homework....

Start them young.... Dad and Matix are helping Kaden with homework. Im sorry but home work is not my favorite part of the day. But I do love these guys. I liked this picture of the three of them and I couldn't pass it up. (smiles)

I guess it travels fast....

Good news travels fast. I guess its safe to say that most everyone could probably already tell before I said anything. The chub was a little too hard to hide. And hide cuz I thought I was just getting way fat. But, WE couldnt be happier!! London is praying for a sister. And Dylan says mom this is prolly enough kids, when all 5, I mean four, are crying for chocolate milk its going to be way loud and crazy. I was a little scared at first....5 is alot. But after realizing that ignorance is bliss, I was happy. Brad and I both knew after Matix was born that there was one, and I say one more. Our first three are soo close, then Matix 4 years latter. That may not be too long for some, but when you grow up with your older sisters all being married and out of the house before my life even really begun at the age of 12, you would prefer it to be different for your own. So, Dylan will get his wish of wanting lots of brothers and sisters so he would never be lonley. After his comment he may change his mind.

Is he a pet, or a toy?

I came down after taking a shower and the kids had made a trail of cheerios from the kitchen to the family room. They claimed that they were playing a game with Matix and was trying to lead him to the treasure. We got a kick out of watching him scoot from cheerio to cheerio eating them as fast as he could. The kids just love him to death. Each and everyday he does something new that just amazes them, us. Scooting and sitting is his newest.....hench the cheerio path. Its so sad how fast they grow up. And someday we are going to look at this picture and laugh at the green carpet......kinda looks like the green shag we use to have growing up.

Hit me with your best shot...

I came home the other day to find this. I hope it doesn't offend anyone. I love this Kid, he never fails to entertain us!!



He had just figured out how to play guitar hero and was sooooo excited to show me. The outfit was the kicker. It takes personality and skill to pull of some of the tricks this kid pulls off. He is becoming a pretty good dancer:) Ask grandma and Tara, he's got some moves only a mother could love. Some day he wants to be on So you think you can dance. And with his ambition and drive, he could.

A night at the races.....

Uncle Eric built a race car, and has been sooo excited to have all the kids come and watch. I don't know who was more excited him or the kids. The cars were fast and loud. Some had more fun than others! London appears to have two left feet lately. At least she didn't loose any teeth. Dylan took a fall as well......Despite the injuries, everyone had a blast. Dylan asked for Eric's autograph when the race was all over, they didn't care if he won or lost.
They look up to and admire Uncle Eric more than he will ever know.

Wahooo......

1st Day of School.......some are more excited than others. London couldn't have been more excited to finally be a big girl. Kaden was too excited to sleep the night before. Dylan, had a touch of anxiety, and his backpack was really heavy. This year we couldn't be happier with our teachers and friends in our classes. Kaden skated off to class with flying colors, Dylan did great too, just needed a little extra encouragement. Now London, I could have only wished for just one tear, or I'll miss you mom. Nope, that girl would hardly even look at me after she saw that classroom door.....she had one thing on her mind. Everyone had a great day. It was a hot day and everyone was ready for a nice cold sonic. Dylan told me on the way home "Mom Mrs Boyd was right, she said she would put me in the best class and she did." Im glad he feels that way cuz we had a rough start. Kaden didn't really say much. London, she loved it just said it was long. She was a little stone faced when I picked her up. In fact I got a phone call from the dance studio saying London fell asleep while she was stretching and to come get her cuz they couldn't wake her up!! I guess we need to move bedtime up so that wont happen again. I didn't realize how quite the house is when the 3 are gone. I'll have time to bond with Matix and time to finally get a grip on my life since he was born.

There is absolutely nothing sweeter......

Dylan, this one is for you.....

I have spent the last several days thinking about what I could say about Dylan. To anyone who knows him knows, to pick one thing about him is impossible.....I am totally getting choked up just thinking about how tender his spirit is. He is honestly one of the most lovable kids, and underneath all of the long hair, is the biggest heart. I noticed at a very very young age that he had a soft side and he has always been in tune with the spirit. I feel like I have to protect him as he ventures through life so he wont get hurt. The smallest things crush him. One of my biggest trials is going to be letting him fly with his own two wings. Man I love this kid. I believe a name picks you, and when I look back laughing about who named him :) I know this to be true. Dylan means FAITHFUL......need I say more.

My dad passed away suddenly when Dylan was only 6 months old. There were days when he would ask me to lay Dylan on the floor by him so he could just watch him. There were times when I saw tears in his eyes as he sat in awe of him. I wish I would have known how sick he really was. I would have done so many things different. Dad and Dylan bonded in a way dad never bonded with anyone else in the world. I dont know what it was, Dylan soften that thick skin of his!! I know today, 7 years latter, that they still have that bond. Dylan use to play trains with him in the loft of our old house. I would be downstairs and would here him say Pa Pa look......and there is no doubt that he was there. We miss you Pa Pa, we know you are with us and that you will never leave us.